Imitating Mary and Elizabeth: An Advent Reflection on Spiritual Companionship

What can we learn about supporting one another through the tender relationship between Mary and Elizabeth? Jasmine Obeysekere Fernando delves into this Advent story with us.

What kind of support do you have or wish you had to thrive as a female graduate student? Maybe you find it hard to ask for help because our culture values independence — so we feel we must manage alone.

This Advent, as you catch your breath after a long semester, let’s take a fresh look at what Mary thought, said, and did when she hears that she would bear the Messiah — without a man involved. Perplexing news that would surely be stressful!

Mary’s first action is to go find Elizabeth. We are not meant to carry heavy spiritual and mental loads on our own. We are to find the support we need, someone who understands us. Why does she choose Elizabeth — a relative in a distant town — over her family and fiancé?

We know that Mary is preparing for marriage, as she is “pledged to be married” to Joseph. Back then, these promises were solemn agreements that were socially binding, perhaps even legally so. Everybody in town knew that Mary and Joesph were already permanently committed to each other. Mary doesn’t go to Joseph probably because they didn’t know each other very well, a reality hard for us to understand since the way we choose our partner today is very different from her time. She is unsure how he would react to her extraordinary news. Confronted with the reality that everyone she knows would find her news hard to believe, she chooses to go to the one person who might understand this unique circumstance, being in an unusual position herself. Her relative Elizabeth, although well into her menopausal years, is miraculously expecting.

Often we forget the miracle of John’s conception, since it pales into comparison with how Jesus was conceived. Elizabeth is “very old” and therefore obviously well into menopause. There was no way she could have children. We know that even during normal childbearing age she had fertility problems: she was known to be barren. Zechariah is “very old” too, and all these factors combined undergird how impossible it was for Elizabeth to suddenly get pregnant.

Mary seeks support and reassurance from the only person who might understand her experience. Gabriel’s news of Elizabeth’s pregnancy not only reassures Mary but prompts her to go find Elizabeth and get some support. Isn’t it fascinating that God would nudge Mary to her next step via this tidbit of information?

The young, newly pregnant girl rushes from her hometown Nazareth in Galilee to a town in the hill country of Judea. This is a journey of eighty to a hundred miles! Did she travel alone or with companions? On foot or on a donkey? We don’t know. Mary’s journey would have taken her three to five days given the distance. This journey that she makes alone in early pregnancy is just as long as the journey to Bethlehem in late pregnancy with Joseph. We see Mary’s determination to find the support she needs even if it is hard or inconvenient.

For whatever reason, Mary’s family is left out of the picture — her news was for Elizabeth first. As a Sri Lankan mom, I struggle coming to terms with the immediate family being left out! Yet in many Asian contexts, parents can be distant with their young adult children or have a hard time seeing them as capable of making their own decisions. It isn’t unusual for young adults to confide in a more approachable family friend or elder, just like Mary seeking Elizabeth.

Elizabeth and Mary can support each other by sharing their miraculous conception stories. For Mary, this will be the first person with whom she processes her news. And even though Elizabeth is already six months pregnant, Mary will be one of the first people with whom she discusses her pregnancy. Zechariah is temporarily dumb and she has remained in seclusion for five months.

God prepares unlikely supporters as we go through unforeseen circumstances and crises. A few days before Gabriel’s visit, Mary was an ordinary girl preparing for her wedding. A life-changing announcement occurs, and she realizes that she needs some support to process the news — including how her life will be irrevocably changed once her pregnancy is obvious.

We often imagine Mary excessively devout to the extent that we rob her of her human doubts and fears. We assume too much of her prompt obedience to God: “I am the Lord’s servant,” “May your word to me be fulfilled” (Luke 1: 38). We fail to consider the turmoil and difficulty her willing and loving obedience to God entails. Obeying God doesn’t mean that we won’t face negative repercussions. We may not win accolades even from our nearest and dearest. When we recognize that there will be a cost to our obedience, it is good to take stock and process the implications of our “yes” to God at the outset, taking time to sort out our thoughts or talk them over with trusted confidantes and prepare for the commotion our unusual choices will cause.

Running to Elizabeth is Mary’s own period of going into seclusion. She needs time to prepare herself spiritually, mentally, emotionally, and practically for an unusual and unexpected motherhood. She needs to build resilience to face the misunderstanding, shame, disapproval, hostility, ridicule, slander, and gossip her unique pregnancy will cause. How is she to tell her fiancé that she is pregnant by God’s power overshadowing her? Will Joseph want to annul their marriage? No one will believe that she is supernaturally pregnant. In Mathew’s account of Jesus’s birth that narrates the story from Joseph’s perspective, we are told that Mary was “found to be pregnant through the Holy Spirit.” No one believes this. We can imagine their snickers and sly grins as they pass this explanation around. Even Joseph doesn’t believe this explanation, which is why he plans to divorce her quietly — “quietly” because he doesn’t want her to be publicly humiliated or worse. Perhaps Mary was preparing for a lonely pregnancy, followed by giving birth and bringing up her child alone. In fact, this is what Joseph’s decision to divorce her would entail, until God intervenes and he changes his mind.

Even though God is using Mary and Elizabeth for his wider plan of salvation for the world, he orchestrates the birth of John the Baptist and Jesus during the same period so that the women can receive mutual support. Their personal lives are not too small for his care; he provides for their need to talk and feel understood. It is their interaction that births and bequeaths to us powerful theology we call The Magnificat.

While they hang out for three months, we are only given a glimpse of the first meeting between the mothers to be: one a young girl and the other an elderly woman. When Mary (presumably) hugs her and says a version of, “Congratulations, Aunty Liz, I’m so happy for you!” Elizabeth’s six-month-old unborn baby reacts to Mary’s voice. Elizabeth’s baby recognizing the visitor not only kicks but jumps for joy within her womb — a hard-to-miss sensation! We are told that this dramatic movement Elizabeth feels in her body leads her to being filled with the Holy Spirit, which in turn causes her to recognize Mary as the mother of the Messiah. Through insight received by the Holy Spirit, Elizabeth affirms Mary’s trust in God’s promises, even though they may have been hard to believe. “Blessed is she who has believed that the Lord will fulfill his promises to her” (Luke 1:45).

Elizabeth’s affirmation and blessing causes Mary to burst forth in joy. Having someone acknowledging and confirming her unique pregnancy might have made it feel more real. Now her news is not just a spiritual mystery she carries alone, but earthed in the world, as another person normalizes her unique experience. Elizabeth’s acknowledgement causes Mary to pour out her thoughts and feelings. This joyful song containing rich theology that the Church has affirmed through the ages was originally the insight of a young girl. Mary’s song is God-breathed Scripture.

It is Elizabeth’s welcome, warmth, and affirmation — “But why am I so favored, that the mother of my Lord should come to me?” (Luke 1:43) — that creates the space for Mary to exuberantly extrovert her thoughts. Elizabeth’s elevation of Mary above herself is unusual. In hierarchical cultures that place a high premium on respect based on age, young women are expected to watch, listen to, and follow older women in the extended family. Most of the time this is good, a healthy antidote to the ageism that we see around us today. But when wisdom is perceived only to be the prerogative of older people, young people are often not taken seriously. We must not frustrate young leaders by failing to see that they can and do offer wise spiritual truths that we ourselves might miss. It is not age, but how we pay attention to God that is the key to receiving spiritual wisdom. Instead of maintaining her elder advantage, old Elizabeth disregards the age hierarchy.

And God elevates Mary’s thoughts and feelings to Scripture. Her insights are God’s word to us. Mary is not only joyful over God’s plans for her, she connects her carrying the Messiah to God’s promises to her people from the time of Abraham. She sees how she is playing a part in God’s salvation history. Mary sees God’s will for her intertwined with how he is working in the world. She recognizes and articulates truths about God’s nature with confidence. Not just nice and comforting truths about God like “his mercy extends to those who fear him” (Luke 1:50a) but harder and even controversial truths like “he has brought down rulers from their thrones” (Luke 1:52a) or “has sent the rich away empty” (Luke 1: 53b). Do Mary’s tough words inspire you or make you uncomfortable? The answer will likely depend on where you are reading your Bible from.

Writing in Advent 1933 in the shadow of Nazi Germany, Dietrich Bonhoeffer says this about Mary’s Song:

“It is the most passionate, most vehement, one might almost say, most revolutionary Advent hymn ever sung. It is not the gentle, sweet, dreamy Mary that we so often see portrayed in pictures, but the passionate, powerful, proud, enthusiastic Mary, who speaks here.”

Small wonder that public reading of the Magnificat was banned in India under the British and in Guatemala and Argentina in modern times. The politically powerful recognize the subversive nature of Mary’s words that threaten their power, even though contemporary Western evangelicals may not.

Picture the scene. Much God-talk between two pregnant women — one old and visibly with child and the other young, exuberant, and not yet showing. We need spiritual companionship for mutual encouragement, without settling for superficial relationships that keep us lonely. Mary and Elizabeth talked about their babies, and about what God was doing in the larger world.

God doesn’t want women to be preoccupied only with our families and homes. Like Mary, he wants us to understand and ponder spiritual truths and have spiritual discussions with others. As a grad student, academic, or professional you already have a vocation outside your home. You juggle your work and your family commitments — whether single, married with no children, married with small or bigger kids, a single mom, or an empty nester. Perhaps some of you are taking a semester off for caregiving work, postponing your dissertation defense, when you go up for tenure, or take on the role of department chair. Maybe you are in vocational limbo for the next couple of years choosing to be a stay-at-home mom.

Whatever our context, women’s daily lives and concerns are normal to God. He is comfortable in hanging out with pregnant women and moms of small kids whether at home or at work. He doesn’t think it is weird for a pregnant woman to teach a class while waddling with a big belly. Or for a woman to make a presentation while her toddler crawls at her feet, and for another to lead a discussion group while her preschooler sits beside her coloring. We can stay theologically sharp in messy homes as we play with our children, prepare meals, and catch up on the phone with our friends. Sometimes the place of deep connection might be online. At our online WSAP book clubs, I see women in different life circumstances and in different career stages offering wise insights and encouragement to one another.

If you are an older woman, nurture your friendships with junior colleagues. Your encouragement might be just what someone needs to become bolder in their leadership. If you are a younger academic, seek those who will respect what you bring to the table and give you confidence in your calling. May we become Elizabeths and Marys to one another.

A version of this article was originally posted on Jasmine’s Substack.

Jasmine Obeyesekere Fernando is WSAP’s book club host and vocation specialist. She hails from Sri Lanka and has a thirty-year relationship with its national university ministry, the Fellowship of Christian University Students (FOCUS). She has also been involved with InterVarsity for twenty years. She has a BA (Hons.) in English from the University of Peradeniya, Sri Lanka, and a MA in International Relations from Syracuse University. She loves writing about theology impacting real life and enjoys British, Korean, and Chinese drama. Jasmine is married to an academic, is mom to a college student and high schooler and lives in Upstate New York.